You might get caught up scrolling through social media if you are anything like me—specifically TikTok or Reels. And you might have found yourself on the Mental Health side of the apps. A couple of months ago, there was a trend going around where therapists were poking fun at themselves, sharing their “go-to therapy lines.” For example, one therapist shared that they often asked their clients, “Where do you feel that in your body?” Another noticed that they reminded clients, “You can feel more than one emotion simultaneously.”
These trends got me thinking about my practice. What is my go-to line as a therapist? After some reflection, I realized mine is:
“What is the benefit of that?”
“That” can refer to any seemingly negative reaction, emotion, or behavior. Most often, clients express discomfort with feeling emotions like anger or anxiety, leading to self-criticism and shame. Now, it is okay to feel those emotions and have those reactions. At the same time, constant self-criticism can hinder self-understanding and compassion.
When that frustration or criticism is expressed in session, I often challenge them to see their emotions and reactions from a different perspective and ask, “What is the benefit of this reaction?” I explain that the body and mind never intentionally attempt to harm us. Everything it does often comes from a place of wanting to benefit or protect us. Most of the time, the anxiety, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions were helpful at some point in their life, and they have outgrown them.
You may be wondering, what does that exactly look like? Let’s use anxiety as an example. In the past, I had been critical of myself for feeling anxious. I viewed it as a “negative” emotion; quite frankly, it was not fun to experience. However, when I started to drop the “negative” or “bad” label and stepped back to see what anxiety was actually providing me, I was able to recognize how it had been beneficial over the years. It kept me safe from potentially dangerous situations, helped me understand what I truly care about, and pushed me to achieve my goals. Without taking this step back and approaching my anxiety with understanding, the criticism and frustration would have grown. This could have led to the emotion becoming stronger and eventually preventing me from doing anything remotely challenging or out of my comfort zone, which would have resulted in much isolation.
Finding Purpose in Your Emotions
Try to be curious next time you are disappointed, frustrated, or critical of your strong emotions.
- When you notice you are experiencing a strong emotion, identify what emotions are coming up. If you are unsure, looking at an emotion wheel can be helpful.
- Ask yourself: When has this emotion been beneficial to me? What might it be protecting me from? When has it helped you reach a goal, protected you from being let down, helped you survive a challenging time?
- Practice self-compassion! Remind yourself that you cannot control what emotions you experience; you are in control of how you react to them.
Ask yourself when this emotion has been beneficial to you. When has it helped you reach a goal, protected you from being let down, helped you survive a challenging time? Reflecting on these questions can lead to greater self-understanding and compassion.
If you are interested in making an appointment for counseling, contact me today for a free consultation.
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