Working as an ADHD therapist, I often see clients who are considering getting diagnosed. The question is, should you?
REASONS TO GET DIAGNOSED
One is that it can give you accommodations in school or work. These things can be constructive, so look for things that can assist you in your job. That said, it’s not a silver bullet that makes the challenges disappear.
I had a good friend recently get diagnosed with ADHD. He decided to get tested after reading an ADHD evaluation for his kid and realizing that he realized it described him as well.
It can help build a dialogue in a relationship about the neurological differences between partners and look for things that might help. Couples work is a process where you must decode and translate where things are breaking down.
Treatment often starts with the basics, like sleep, exercise, and diet, but medication might also be involved. As a therapist, it is frequently a big part of the work to embrace how people work differently and look for things that can help.
The testing can also give you a baseline for your functioning without medication. You could later go back and take The Conners or the IVA 2 and see how your functioning has changed. Think of these tests like a treadmill for your brain; they will help show whether you are improving.
YOUR ADHD WILL NOT GO AWAY
Case in point: I (the ADHD therapist) was meeting with another ADHD specialist for lunch and decided to put my phone on DND, so I was “more present” while meeting with them. The result was that I missed the alerts about a call that I had in the afternoon as the DND was still on. The ADHD mentor I met with forgot his wallet, so I paid for lunch.
Yes, all of this sounds like the blind leading the blind, but thankfully, this kind of thing is rare, which is why it sticks out. It’s also an excellent example of the challenges someone with ADHD might face, as they really might miss some things that would be obvious to others. It can also send them into a deep shame cycle, and they can either shut down or possibly get a bit testy due to the frustration. These things will happen, and it can be helpful to process what they might do differently so as not to encounter the same difficulty. Things like having their wallet and cell phone together or, ahem not using DND on their phone can help. Examples like this are often where therapy can help so this doesn’t fall on the partner of the person with ADHD, or maybe the couples work together on these issues to find compensatory strategies that work.
Why does couples counseling or individual counseling help?
Honestly, you know you are in the room with someone who is supportive of you and not judging. So often, people have a reflexive negative reaction to the people closest to them, so it can help to have an ally working on proactive strategies. Things like EMDR can help remove the previous triggers that might contribute to someone’s bigger-than-normal reaction. Couples counseling can help the couple remove the stigma and better navigate challenges.
REASONS TO NOT GET DIAGNOSED
If you work for yourself or don’t need accommodations, then maybe a formal diagnosis is less helpful, and you would do better with therapy or looking at ways to manage your ADHD. Perhaps you are functioning well, and medication alone tips the scales for you.
If you are in a relationship and ADHD becomes the perceived problem and it is used as part of blaming, maybe this is not the best time to get diagnosed. No one likes to be blamed for anything – especially not something that is part of their neurological wiring. They work differently, and if the testing seems like it will only worsen that blaming, then maybe working with a couples therapist who understands ADHD or an individual therapist would be better served.
That’s just my perspective, and it depends on the individual, but I think it can be helpful to consider when weighing options.
SHOULD I GET DIAGNOSED?
It’s up to you. Hopefully what was said above gives you some helpful context. Alternatively, you could talk with a testing psychologist and realistically understand what you will get from the testing and the report. That may help you decide, giving you more information about the process and what to expect. If you would like more information read what our testing psychologist and I wrote about “Do you need a Psychological Assessment for ADHD or Autism” and his perspective on this question.
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