Coping Ahead for the Holidays

The holidays inevitably bring a mix of emotions as we shuffle from social events to family gatherings. While fun is there to be had, expectations, financial strain, and social obligations can easily become overwhelming. With a bit of planning and mental rehearsal though, you can approach the holidays feeling grounded and prepared. 

What is the DBT Cope Ahead Skill? 

“Cope Ahead” is a skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that helps us prepare for emotionally challenging situations (Linehan, 2015). By identifying potential stressors, planning responses, and visualizing positive outcomes, Cope Ahead helps build emotional resilience and a greater sense of control. 

Guide to Using Cope Ahead for the Holidays 

Step 1: Identify Potential Stressors 

Start by considering which parts of the holiday season might be most challenging for you.  

• Family Dynamics: Family gatherings often bring up old conflicts or unresolved issues. Maybe you know that one family member will bring up a touchy topic. 

• Social Overwhelm: Holiday parties and events can be draining, especially if you’re introverted and/or prone to social anxiety (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

• Financial Pressure: Gift-buying, hosting, and travel can put a strain on finances. 

• Travel and Logistics: Crowded airports, weather-related flight delays, tight schedules, and leaving the comfort zone of home can add stress. 

• Loneliness or Isolation: If you’re spending the holidays by yourself or dealing with loss, feelings of loneliness may be magnified. 

Take a few minutes to jot down specific holiday situations you anticipate might be stressful. This will help you focus on the most relevant coping strategies (Linehan, 2015). 

Step 2: Envision the Challenging Situations 

With your list of potential stressors, it’s time to imagine each situation in detail. This step isn’t about stressing yourself out! Instead, the goal is to become familiar with each setting and any possible challenges, reducing the element of surprise and helping you feel more in control when the moment comes (Linehan, 2015). 

Summon up in your mind the sights, sounds, and people involved. How might things unfold? 

• Picture yourself at a family dinner, and imagine relatives getting into the same old arguments. What would that feel like? 

• Visualize the atmosphere of a busy holiday party—maybe there’s loud music, people talking over each other, and limited space. 

• Imagine yourself in a crowded airport, waiting for a delayed flight with people squeezed into every seat.

Step 3: Identify Emotions and Reactions 

Now, think about the emotions each situation might bring up. 

• Anxiety about being judged or criticized. 

• Frustration about unresolved family issues. 

• Sadness if you’re missing someone who won’t be there this year. 

• Overwhelm from balancing social commitments, logistics, and personal needs. 

Identifying these emotions ahead of time lets you prepare for how they might surface in the moment. For example, if you expect to feel anxious at a gathering, you can plan a specific coping technique to handle that anxiety when it arises (Linehan, 2015; Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

Step 4: Plan Coping Strategies 

With potential emotions in mind, it’s time to choose coping strategies that feel realistic and supportive.  

• Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness during a gathering can help you stay grounded. Try focusing on sensory details—like the taste of food or the texture of your clothes—to keep your attention in the present moment (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

• Breathing Exercises: Deep, slow breathing can help reduce anxiety and keep you calm. 

• Boundaries: If you anticipate certain family members bringing up sensitive topics, consider planning a polite but firm way to set boundaries. You might even step outside for a breather if things feel intense (Linehan, 2015). 

• Visual Cues: Consider bringing a small item, like a bracelet or keychain, as a subtle reminder of your intention to stay calm and composed. 

• Breaks: Schedule short breaks throughout your day, especially if you’re prone to social fatigue. These can be quick trips outside, a few minutes in a quiet room, or even a trip to the restroom to take a few deep breaths and reset.  

Choose one or two strategies for each scenario you envisioned in Step 2. Writing them down can help you commit to these plans and serve as a helpful reference if you need it later. 

Step 5: Mental Rehearsal 

This final step is all about visualization. Imagine yourself successfully managing each situation, using your chosen coping strategies. Picture yourself staying calm, politely asserting boundaries, or taking a needed breather. Mentally rehearsing these responses helps you feel more confident and ready when the real scenarios come up and emotions rise (Linehan, 2015). 

When we rehearse in our minds, we’re essentially practicing for the actual event. Spend a few minutes each day running through this mental rehearsal, especially in the days leading up to holiday events. 

Tips for Maximizing the Effectiveness of Cope Ahead 

• Practice Regularly: Start using the Cope Ahead skill a few weeks before the holidays so it feels more natural. 

• Keep a Backup Plan: Have extra coping strategies in mind for unexpected stressors. Flexibility can make a big difference. 

• Be Kind to Yourself: Remember, it’s okay to have mixed emotions. Self-compassion is an essential part of managing holiday stress (Neff, 2011). 

• Enlist Support: Share your plans with a trusted friend or therapist who can offer support or accountability (Linehan, 2015). 

Conclusion: Embracing a Mindful and Prepared Approach to the Holidays 

Using the DBT Cope Ahead skill offers a proactive way to manage holiday stress and emotions. By identifying potential stressors, planning your responses, and mentally rehearsing, you’ll approach holiday gatherings with greater confidence and resilience. This season, focus on enjoying the moments that matter most, knowing you’re ready to handle the challenges calmly and with intention. 

References 

• Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion. 

• Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. 

• Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow. 

 

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