Raising a child with ADHD can sometimes feel like parenting on steroids. We seek out guidance from articles, books, podcasts, teachers, school counselors, pediatricians, therapists and psychiatrists. We hear informed and uninformed opinions from all corners. And they ALL offer advice and ideas with ADHD strategies for kids.
It is important for parents and caregivers to develop a strong understanding of ADHD, and how the brain structure of a child with ADHD differs from neurotypical children. Having this understanding helps make sense of our child’s behaviors, rather than blaming them for the underdeveloped areas of their brain. We want our children to bloom, to celebrate their strengths, and we need to preserve a nurturing and loving relationship with them as we navigate the symptoms and stressors that come with ADHD.
ADHD strategies are specific skills and practices for parents and kids to better manage the symptoms of ADHD. They may be targeted to help your child better tolerate frustration and disappointment, support healthy peer relationships, organize school work and complete homework, help with time “blindness”, improve their working memory, manage anxiety, increase motivation, improve focus and attention. Strategies may also help you to better prepare your child for successful transitions – especially those from a preferred activity to a non-preferred activity, soothe your child’s sensory sensitivities, nurture your child’s self esteem, respond to their impulsive behavior, de-escalate emotional outbursts, set up expectations for your child at home that are challenging and doable, set up good sleep hygiene, communicate and advocate with school staff, and the list goes on and on. The strategies may all sound great, but you can’t begin them all at once. So how do you choose?
Poor emotional regulation is one of the most difficult and distressing symptoms of ADHD. Start by growing your own emotional regulation strategies to help you stay calm and co-regulate with your child when they are escalated and overwhelmed (also see our strategies for building emotional regulation in children). Learn to validate their feelings and see things from your child’s point of view. Children learn emotional regulation from the adults around them. Staying calm includes not just your words, but the tone of your voice, your facial expressions and body language. Responding to your upset child with understanding and compassion is critical to help them learn new strategies to manage their ADHD.
Here are a few ideas to help parents prioritize where to start with behavioral strategies.
Step 1: Narrow down the top 2 challenges that are creating the most stress and disruption for your child AND for your relationship with your child. Focusing on just 2 areas at a time will avoid overwhelming you both and help set you up for success.
- Talk with your child. Find out what is hard for them. Validate their feelings.
- Talk with a trusted (non-judgmental) family member or friend who has a loving relationship with you and your child, and can help you reflect on the areas that worry or frustrate you the most.
- Consider these questions: What behaviors create the most strife in your home? Which ones cause you to over react or shut down? Those are the behaviors most likely to erode your child’s self esteem as well as your sense of competency and happiness as a parent. Your child picks up on the frustration and tension around them. If what you’re currently doing isn’t working, and your approach to the problem isn’t changing, your child will blame themselves and may develop a pervasive sense of shame that can haunt them for years to come. So start with 2 areas that will bring the most relief and harmony to you and your child’s relationship.
Step 2: Now that you’ve narrowed down 2 behavioral challenges, it’s time to pair them with a strategy that will work for you and your child.
- Plan a time when your child is relaxed, content, well fed and rested. Ask your child: “I know that sometimes it’s hard to do (X behavior). I want to help. What might make it easier? What ideas do you have to make this better?” Listen to your child’s ideas. Your child knows what helps them. They are already practicing strategies to get through challenges every day.
- Search for strategies specific to the problem behavior in ADHD publications and websites. There is a wealth of research based information out there. Be sure you’re looking at reputable resources like ADDitude and CHADD. Offer these ideas to your child and ask them if they believe they would be helpful.
Step 3: Make sure the strategies you choose will work. Ask yourself: Is this strategy easy and doable for me and my child? Is it sustainable? Do I have the time and resources needed? Can I do this consistently? Am I committed to modeling, practicing and supporting this strategy every day? The last thing you need is to start a complicated system of rewards and supports that will burden you and then burn you out.
Step 4: Pair the strategy with something that is nurturing and fun. This makes the strategy less of a chore and more of a feel good experience. It will deepen the skill and help to integrate it into your daily life.
Step 5: Practice, Model, Praise, Celebrate. Practice the strategy together when the child feels good. Model using the strategy for yourself out loud, so your child sees it in action. Catch your child using the strategy on their own, and heap on the praise when they do. And celebrate your new skills.
Remember, learning a new behavior is not easy or quick. As a wise 7 year old recently told me, if you want to learn something new, you have to be patient with yourself, practice a bunch, and have a lot of courage. Here are helpful resources to get you started.
Additional links to check out:
Treatments and Strategies for Weak Executive Functions
Parents, add these strategies to your repertoire: Therapies, reward systems, and classroom accommodations built to strengthen executive functioning skills in children and adults who struggle to plan, coordinate, and execute long-term projects.
Free Checklist: Common Executive Function Challenges — and Solutions
Share the accommodations listed in this free checklist with your child’s teacher to better address the executive functions challenges that impact learning, retention, and organization skills.
Starting with Preschool, Strive for Kids Who Thrive
How do you keep your child with ADHD focused, happy, and learning in the new world of preschool? These tips for preschool teachers and parents will give young children starting school a running start. Also relevant for Kindergarten through 1st grade.
Nudge, Don’t Nag: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Child to Do Well
Nine ways to get your child with ADHD to the starting line — and to finally cross over the finish line of assignments, goals, and day-to-day tasks.
Tips for Managing Emotional Regulation
Staying calm and regulating when a child is melting down, having tantrums, or losing control is one of the most difficult tasks of parenthood. Here are simple tips to help!
Use Responsive Parenting to Reveal the Roots of Behavioral Challenges
“When we look below the surface of a behavior, we begin to see what our kids really need. That is the root of responding, not reacting. By responding with compassion, we will find ways to support our children, not punish them.”
13 Parenting Strategies for ADHD Kids
Most parents are good parents. But if your son or daughter has ADHD, “good” may not be enough. To ensure that your child is happy and well adjusted now and in the future—and to create a tranquil home environment—you’ve got to be a great parent. 13 tips to help.
Discipline Strategies for ADHD Children
50 smart discipline tips for your ADHD child.
Your Child Is Not Giving You a Hard Time. Your Child Is Having a Hard Time
When your child ignores, disregards, or otherwise disobeys you, punishment is an understandable consequence. It’s also not always effective. To prevent similar behavior in the future, you’ve got to dig a little deeper and change the language you use to describe your child — even in your own head.
Discipline with a Twist: How to Manage Challenging Behavior Problems in Children & Teens with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #353]
99 Tips for Parenting a Child with ADHD (but effective for all kids!) – Dr. Caroline Buzanko
Why Children with ADHD Hate Bedtime: Solutions to ADHD Sleep Problems
Why does ADHD bring sleep problems? The ADHD brain is hypersensitive to external stimuli. This is particularly true at bedtime, when racing thoughts, ticking clocks, tempting screens, and even thirst may keep our children awake far too late. Here, learn how to teach your child to settle their mind for sleep.
How to Engineer Better Environments for a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD
A common partner to ADHD, sensory processing disorder can cause children to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and oppositional or defiant. It may also contribute to or exacerbate other ADHD symptoms and complicate life. Use these ideas and activities to create sensory-smart environments and help a child who has fallen out of sync.
Photo by Edi Libedinsky on Unsplash
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